Today PMG is 4 weeks old. I am watching her sleep while I finish up my paper for school. Hubby has taken on new bread making hobby downstairs, which is not helping me shed the pregnancy pounds, but so be it. AZG hit two milestones today- he peed in the potty, and he slept in the big boy bed for nap time.

We have have had a nice holiday season. A little snow, a lot of cold, and a lot of nice time together.

I am one third of the way through my maternity leave. Sigh.

Last night as I put AZG to sleep, I remembered how scared I was the night I gave birth to PMG. Before leaving the house I went into his room and just cried and cried- As much as I wanted to meet PMG, I didn’t want anything to be at his expense- I didn’t want to shatter his little world. I know that he will never remeber his time without her in his life, which is great for him, but there is something strange about knowing what it was like for him without her. As an only child I always said I did not want that experience for my children, and so we had another. But I do want him to know that it was not because we did not think he was enough in any way- our lives were full and happy with him, and that would have been the case if we had not been blessed with PMG. Rather, I think that she will enhance his life in ways I can only watch, and I am happy I could give him that.

It’s not that I am not exited to have her, quite the oposite. In fact, as I was nursing her this morning I was thinking that I can’t imagine not having her, and all the worries about loving her as much as I love AZG are completely gone- I love them both so much, and I can’t imagine life without them. The odd part is that I think that if I had one child or five, I would feel the same satisfaction and happiness.  My friend who has twins after a single said this too- you just find the room for them in your heart  and life.

I went out for a bit today  to do some art with AZG at the day care. He was happy to see me and spend some time with me, but was ok letting me go home too. It is odd having such a fiercely independent little man, I confess a small part of me wants him to be more needy of me and my time, but really I am so proud of him for being such a wonderful, social, comfortable little guy. How did we get so lucky?

It’s getting close to christmas and sometimes I think way ahead in the future to when these two are old and have partners and families and they are not with us, and it seems so unfathomable, that they would not always be right in the next room. And I know that is what you want for them, for them to grow up and leave you and be happy and healthy with lives of their own, but oh my heart is already heavy  with the thought of it.

Chili in the crock pot. Butter softening for cookies on the counter. Life is so, so good.

Clear that daily updates are not my strength.

I confess I am struggling with the draw of these blogs. Aside from the historical perspective for me, I have no idea why anyone would want to read this. Really? You are interested that I went to target and took a shower today? I find that hard to belive. In any case, I shall continue to chronicle how materity leave is progressing.

We survived a semi-meltdown on Friday. I was tense about husband going back to work, husband was tense about a lot of stuff. But we got through it and had a nice week-end. It was the first with both children on our own, although we did get some gpa help on Saturday afternoon, so we could get a christmas tree. (Note- as I write this I am looking at said christmas tree on the porch- rome was not built in a day, I am reminded)

Sunday we went shopping for food and made it through 2 stores with a sleeping baby and a content 2 year old, which felt miraculous. We were very self congratulatory about the outing, but did wonder when we became old and started referring to “the kids” as in our kids. It just doesn’t seem possible considering we just met last week some time. I refuse to believe it has really be 14 years. Years!

And as for yesterday and today, although I have great plans for accomplishing many things like spinach souflees and homemade challah, so far I have settled for washing the sheets, taking a shower and making a trip to target. The words of my midwife comback to me often when I start to feel like I am not doing enough: “Keep yourselves clean and fed- That is your only job”. She said this to me after AZG was born, on the day we were to be relased from the hospital. She had shown me, somewhat uncerimoniously, how to get him to latch on to my football sized boob by mashing it into a hamburger patty and shoving it in his mouth. The counsel was a relief to me, and I carry it around with this baby too.

And with that, a nap is needed. Or it’s time to watch Martha.

Ah, the every other day blog. So last night she sleeps for two four hour cycles which is beyond awesome. This morning I am so empowered by rest that I have taken care of 75% of all holiday shopping. This includes finding AZG his stuffed owl and deciding on some presents for the parents. This afternoon I will bake some cookies. I keep waiting for her sleep to get worse (and I am sure it will) but for now I am enjoying getting to know her.

Yesterday we caught up on rest- the night was harder than last night, so I tried to sleep more during the day. It is bitterly cold- neg 20 wind chills and 2 degrees outside, so it is not like I could be out doing much of anything.

Off to tackle cookies.

I guess it is fitting that I could not get to the first post yesterday, the first day of maternity leave. In any case, this is my chronicle of the first 3 months of PMG, currently nicknamed “squeaky” or “tamale butt” (the later to be explained in a subsequent post). This is for her to know that second children get special things too, and I hope she enjoys reading it in time.

In any case, notes from day one and two:
1. This one sleeps a lot, but the first night was still rough. she eats every 1.5-2 hours from me.
2. We woke up to a whole lot of wet snow, which was pretty, but hard to get the older child to day care on time.
3. We are expecting a snow storm, so we have laid in a supply of cherry pie and cinnamon rolls. One can see our priorities.
3. The furnace gave us a mini-outage last night. Fixed within a couple of hours.
4. I had my first encounter with projectile poop. This child has range.

Must attend to the pie in the oven. We have hopes of watching Julie and Julia tonight. The child may have other plans.